Wednesday, March 14, 2012

What Does Your Brain Tell You When You're Depressed?

One of the fun parts of hypomania for me (I use the word "fun" sarcastically) is that not only do I get depressed, anxious, and revved up at the same time, usually my depression and anxiety are the things that get revved up.  So my brain goes a mile a minute, but it's going a mile a minute about how horrible I am, what a bad person I am, and how I'm going to hell.  See?  Fun.

The hell thing is a recurring thought; every time I get hypomanic, that's what I tell myself, over and over again.  I'm  lousy person, a lousy parent, ugly, fat, and worthless, and my ultimate punishment (as if having these thoughts isn't punishment enough) is an eternity in hell -- whatever that is.  I know a lot of this can be chalked up to Catholic guilt, but I think it's more than that, too.

I think when you're depressed or anxious, your brain seizes on the most convenient negative thought possible and replays it and replays it like Elf on TBS at Christmas. I'm still working on how to get it to stop the replay; as far as I can tell, it's not as easy as pushing a button.

Does your brain tell you something over and over again when you're depressed?  Is there a thought on replay in your head?  Have you figured out how to turn it off?  If you have, more power to you.  If not, join the club.

1 comment:

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